Little Raging Warrior Blog - Mental Health/Salud Mental

Here is where I share the insights of my healing journey with a sincere hope that it can help anyone who might be going through the same.

This is my story, please be kind and hold it in your heart.

_______

Aquí es donde comparto los aprendizajes de mi recorrido a sanar, lo hago con la esperanza de ayudar a cualquiera que se encuentre en una situación similar.

Esta es mi historia, te pido que la recibas con compasión y la guardes en tu corazón.

GRIEVING

After 3 years of pandemic and the world imploding... A lot of us are experiencing grief one way or another. So I think it is a good time to share my own experience with one of the most complex emotions there is.

I once heard writer @elizabeth_gilbert_writer say that grief has been her biggest creative challenge. This gave me goosebumps but I was not able to understand it... Until grief swallowed me whole.
I thought I had already mourn the loss that comes with healing trauma, and shedding the stories I told myself to survive. I had no clue that it was just the beginning.

Once the anger started to reside, I felt heavy... oh so heavy!. As if I had been molten lava running down hill with full force, and suddenly I hit the ocean and became rock solid. Sinking into the deep.
On the outside it looked like depression. I was moody, loosing sense of time, skipping meals and just not taking care of myself. I felt like I was suffocating, and the world was becoming narrower and narrower. In an attempt to come back to myself, I grabbed my pen and started sketching... looking for an image that translated the rawness of it all.

All I knew was that I was not depressed. Depression to me equals feeling numb... and I was feeling so much. To the point of overwhelm. I couldn't regulate, any little thing would send me on a spiral of sadness, rage and anxiety. All of it happening on the inside, while looking drained and exhausted on the outside.

This is how the little girl showed up for me, on a raft, adrift at see. On a moonless night over a calm but deep, deep waters. Waiting. Sitting. Drifting. It was sharp and complex...in the end all I could do was to FEEL IT.

@brenebrown defines grief as the feeling of loss and feeling lost. Once I realized this, I was able to name it. It took me months, but then I remembered Liz's words and went to work with it. I started introducing dance to my yoga practice and allow myself time to cry and release. It was hard, surprisingly fun and it was so healing.
.
To learn to grief, is to learn to surrender. Nothing can contain it, nothing will stop it. Just like a river that will find its way to the ocean, grief will show you that sometimes you just have to let things go through you.


Whatever loss you are experiencing now, I see you. You are not alone!

THE GIFT OF SHAME (Español abajo)

Shame is a familiar emotion when you've experienced trauma.
After all these years, I still feel shame. Shame of what happened to me, of the way my family reacted, of my inability to do better or the ways I used to cope.
This image comes from my search to better understand who am I, beyond the trauma. What is at the core of my identity?.

For days I imagined my warrior diving into the dark, deep waters of my shame. Diving deeper to get to where the "shame monster" lives, inside of me.
In the depths of this imaginary journey, my armor began to dissolve until I stood naked, and unarmed in front of the most terrifying monster: Medusa.

Then I realized I was not afraid of her, that something inside compelled me to look into her eyes. I was unafraid that her pain would turn me into stone.
An image became clear. My shame had a gift for me. A gift I could only receive by sitting still, and letting it tell me her story. The gift of discovering who I truly am.

When shame is triggered, we become reactive to the world around us. But what happens when we take a deep breath and just listen?.


EL REGALO DE LA VERGÜENZA


La vergüenza es una emoción familiar, para todo aquel que ha vivido un trauma.
A estas alturas, yo todavía siento vergüenza por lo que me pasó, por cómo reaccionó mi familia, por mi manera de evadirla y mis comportamientos autodestructivos. .
Esta imagen es el resultado de una exploración interna, en búsqueda de entender quién soy más allá del trauma. Una búsqueda para descubrir mi propia identidad.

Por un tiempo imaginé sumergirme en esas oscuras y profundas aguas, que representan la enorme vergüenza que a veces me abruma. Empecé a notar que mi armadura de guerrera se disolvía, a medida que me adentraba más en lo profundo. Estaba segura que al tocar fondo encontraría a un monstruo, la Medusa de la vergüenza que vive dentro de mi.

Y así desnuda y sin temor me encontrė con ella, con la seguridad de que si la miraba a los ojos, su dolor no me convertiría en piedra. Esta es la imágen que se formó en mi mente: La vergüenza tiene un regalo para mi. Un regalo que sólo es accesible, si soy capaz de sentarme con ella y escuchar su historia sin juzgarla. El regalo de saber quién soy yo y sentir la esencia de mi ser.

Sentimos vergüenza cuando el ambiente que nos rodea, detona lo que creemos está mal en nosotros mismos y no sabemos como "arreglar". Qué pasaría si la próxima vez que te sientes así, respiras profundo y escuchas lo que esta emoción viene a contarte?.

Self-compassion And Finding The Mother within

“I spent a long time wondering how to find a bridge between the darkest shades of my emotions and feeling whole again. (…) Shame is the shield where the nastiest most hateful voices in our minds reside.”

Read More